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say what you mean, but it wont change a thing. im sick of the secrets

Its the strangest, surreal experience when all that pretense is shattered and a stranger asks you to hold them. The need to be held, to share for a second that comfort and refuge from the world in another’s arms. I met him a few hours earlier, we [bunch of friends old and new] stayed up till sunrise a bunch of lost souls unified in our deliberate fight against ‘normality’ and the dull. All pleasantries aside it was the saddest and happiest moment in his arms. Completely platonic without sexual advances. It was exactly what I needed too, strange how a complete stranger could give me all that I craved. For a few moments we shared a connection of humility of a love we both clearly need, of affection of another. It was beautiful in its purity but heartbreaking. Strange how even when you get what you need, or if your surrounded by so many beautiful intelligent people you can still feel utterly alone. The act of love, pushed me to new heights of self loathing, ineptitude and longing for a love and acceptance that I know is out there, but has eluded me for all this time. I’m sick of being cheated by the opposite of love. The realisation also hit me that that pattern of indulgence that night wasn’t conducive to that ever happening not healthily anyhow but that’s my only viable means of survival. Self medication to feel alive, is that what I’ve become. At least I’m thankful for one thing: every day is a chance to do better, to be better. To infiltrate the masses, they seem so happy all the time. I’m happy yes, I take delight in childish past times and simple joys but for different reasons. For me its an active choice a means to survive, if not I’ll splinter. I surprised myself. How easy it was for me to let him in even for a moment to be completely vulnerable and love without wanting anything in return except to share a beautiful moment a definitive punctuation in a jumbled sentence. I’m glad I could but its also a weakness as much as I siphon off my openness, I guess in altered states I let my guard down I just want to show affection, to have affection.

“I swear I waited and waited, I’ve got to get out of this hole,” self destruction aside I’m choosing to value myself. I tried him on it didn’t fit, oddly a stranger did. But I never wanted more. none of them are you. But I choose me, finally and fully. Someone has too.

Peace, love and empathy. vinyl splinters.

 
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Posted by on October 23, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Aside

What is choice? Its a construct force fed to the naïve.

Peace, love and empathy. vinyl splinters.

coked up and cranberried out

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

the similarities and differences between Courtly Love and Sweet New Style poetry*

Italian Sweet New Style poets transcended the salient points of Courtly Love to the spiritual. However the rhetorical techniques, namely personification of love, were kept constant. The two styles coalesce on a technical basis with Sweet New Style deepening the exploration of love through the attribution of a divine construct to be discussed. It is assumed that poetry is married to rhetoric as it is the only medium through which the subject matter of love can be explored. Both Courtly love and Sweet New Style acknowledge the need for technicality in expressing a subject with inherent paradoxes as it retains reason, even if only through structure.

In Courtly Love the object of desire is acted upon by the subject of desire, the “domina” or female figure. Sweet New Style poets continued the notion of an external force acting upon the subject of love but with added divine twist. For Cavalcanti love is a spiritual concept which depends on the existence of god and thus a submission to divine will. Love has no existence of its own, it is the consequence of being acted upon by the divine and thus removing the physicality attributed to the definition of Courtly Love (Oatley, 2007: 142). Thus the shift towards the evolution of Sweet New Style poetry could be argued to be a resultant outcome from the societal and internal pressures and tensions that existed within Courtly Love in pre-renaissance period. Courtly Love poets acted solely upon passion and demands of the flesh which created an internal war within the individual as it lacked added introspection needed to attain meaning. An ever present concern translated through the church was the issue of placing the “domina” dominant female in control of men’s’ actions. It removed elements of humility and spirituality through the attribution of females to societally created god like position (Scott, 2011: 99). The shift towards Sweet New Style poetry epitomized through Guido Cavalcanti and Dante, added elements not only of spirituality but introspection and transcendence from the trivial/ physical demands of the body. Only through a submission of earthly desires can the full nature and extent of love be explored; A love which humbles those afflicted by its beauty. Thus for Sweet New Style poets without constrains of earthy whims the eyes become a crucial recurrent source of imagery. Evident through Cavalcanti, “Voi che per li occhi mi passate ‘l core e destaste la mente che dormia, guardarte a l’angosciosa vita mia, che sospirando la distrugge Amore/
(You who’ve pierced my eyes to my heart, awakening my sleeping mind, look at my anguished life, sighing, destroyed by Love. Trans- lated by Cirigliano, 1992, p. 30–31.) as cited in Oatley, 2007”. The eyes become the medium for intimacy; a means to view the soul and source of the divine while still retaining the purity and sweet sweet re-enchantment of love. The female figure in Sweet New Style poetry evolves from the “domina” to an angel, a spiritual being linked to platonic intellectual love (Lewis, 2001: 70). Cavalcanti’s initial fears of blasphemy are resolved through awareness of divine plan and thus it is only natural to appreciate divine will at work through the female’s beauty.

Allegory and thus the technicality remains constant mode of expression as love affects the inner world of both the poet and the women. As opposed to Courtly Love in which the affliction would only reside within the poet. Thus poetry in terms of Courtly Love predominately served as a means to attain a reward (Oatley, 2007: 141). Thus was contrived in its definition of love. Courtly Love poets deemed love an elitist construct only to be experienced by the French aristocracy of the eleventh century (birthplace of Courtly Love). It seems Courtly Love invokes an indulgent fantasy of love in which love loosely translated into the physicality of the act and thus to the weaknesses if man. Whereas Sweet New Style poetry was a shift in consciousness; expanding notion of love to reach understanding that such a concept is bigger than the individual and human weakness and therefore must be divine and a divine gift that should be acknowledged (Lewis, 2011: 71). The acknowledgement of which is encapsulated through precision and technicality of the poetry felt in Cavalcanti’s Canzone. The topic is treated with unparalleled tenderness. It is difficult to separate Courtly Love from Sweet New Style poetry they are not entirely different constructs but represent more of a fluid transition of ideas, conscious expansion and evolution. One, namely Sweet New Style, could not exist or have emerged without the other, Courtly Love poetry. They are linked ultimately in individual need to explore the affliction of love, the supernatural experience of paradoxical happiness and pain through everlasting medium of poetry. Furthermore Sweet New Style evolved to incorporate the egalitarian nature of love, irrelevant of class structure or societal position, the effects on the individual remain constant. In that salient point love becomes a universal divine truth, a sense of comfort exists in ceding to a higher divine will and the acceptance that everyone shares the same experience.

A point traced through Dante, Vita Nuova, XXV, in which sentiments shared implore the use of allegory to explain universality of afflictions. The notions that love does not belong to the aristocracy but to all men in general. Ideas of a latent previously unexpressed experience in everyday vernacular that are granted life through poetry re-establishes the enchantment of love for Sweet New Style Poets. Now that the broader concepts of Sweet New Style and Courtly Love have been addressed a narrower analysis of evolution of Sweet New Style is fundamental to examining the differences or similarities with each.
In Vita Nuova, Dante initially incorporates the model of Courtly Love in illustration of his love and desire for Beatrice’s affections. Only once problems posed by Courtly love become so overpowering that a new solution is needed does the gradual shift to Sweet New Style poetry become evident. As such Courtly love asserts the position of a “domina” dominant female figure who is responsible for the domesticity of the man or hero to perpetuate the mendacity of societal roles. Through completion of tasks however irrelevant to attain the women’s attention and affections the hero is incapacitated and prevented from reaching his full potential. Courtly Love represents the tradition of a pervasive love of seemingly unattainable women outside the confines of marriage (Robertson, 1988: 2). A crucial point as Courtly Love is idealized it is not seen as something that can exist in normal everyday relations. Link posed between domesticity in the evolution of the understanding of love; evolution of Sweet New Style; to the domesticity of man to divine will. Processes of Courtly Love gave rise to “courtship”, “courtesy” and “gentlemen” an outcome of domesticity is the refinement of the suitor (Oatley, 2007: 140). The backbone of aristocratic secret and often ritualized Courtly Love was the style of poetry which facilitated hidden desires to secret lovers. As such the power relations within Courtly Love are heavily skewered in favour of the female, “emotions can be close to the heart of creativity because most emotions of force involve contradictions and therefore set problems. The problems identified by the poets of the provenance was that love and worship of a lady trespassed on ones duty to love and worship God,” (Oatley, 2007:141). The evolution to Sweet New Style in Vita Nuova is encapsulated in, ” in quello che non… puote venire meno,”in which Dante relinquishes any hope for an external reward characteristic of the Courtly Love tradition. Instead through forgoing the expectation of physical rewards Dante shifts praising Beatrice signalling an evolution self-interested love (Scott, 2011: 99). As such Sweet New Style is an evolution of Courtly Love poetry transcending love poetry to a holistic spiritual realm without primary focus on that which is corporeal and tangible. Signifying the predominate variance in the text, smaller subtleties exist in use of imagery and technicality however both forms of poetry have a fundamental basis in exploration of the affliction of love and the use of poetry as the only viable medium for exploration.

Peace, love and empathy. vinyl splinters.

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

a time not so long ago when things werent so fucking psychotic. . .

the one that you are looking for, your not going to find her here

The rain’s return hasn’t come empty handed, you’re on my mind constantly. What do you say to a narcissistic whose given you the boot? Ah, the taking one step forward two steps backwards things becoming a recurring theme. I’m actively forced to make these life altering decisions and instead of manning up I hide in my room, sing my heart out and avoid such thoughts with the reassurance that I’ll figure it out tomorrow. Its my last year of my undergraduate degree, last two days in fact. Zombies I can handle, I’ve had years of rpg training equipping me for that. Monotony nine to five, ergonomic keyboards, labcoats, small talk? During my coffee break before my stats test, as the rain started pouring, I realized I have no clue what I want to do anymore. Well I’m certain of a few things just not how to make money out of them. I want to be in the theatre, have a burlesque club, be a stripper, be a singer, fingerpaint in my loft apartment adorned with sunflowers and rugs, take photos, dance in the rain, plant trees, learn the guitar, be a sex therapist. What I don’t want is responsibility I’ve had too much of it too young, and I fear only more is going to be flung my way. Knowing me I won’t react until it wacks me in the face, irony you sweet bastard. I need a pause button. I have about roughly just under six days to prepare for finals the most life altering test you can take, so much change. I’m moving house not sure where too yet or how I’m getting there. My moms selling up and leaving soon, so off I go into the great abyss to live by my own travelers code. I’ll have a degree soon. I’m not sure how I feel about that. My undergrad years are laced with so many reckless moments I wouldn’t change for the world. Somehow the leniency you get changes when you hit honours or life, either way your screwed. I’m a donut being drowned in the coffee of life, a sexually repressed liz lemon donut which can’t wait for groovies.
If lifes about to hit me head on, I’ll knock it back a round or two, aint nothing wrong with a lil psychedelic drugs.
Round one fight!

Peace, love and empathy. vinyl splinters.

 
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Posted by on October 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

peace, love and empathy. vinylsplinters

Tragic beauty an outward manifestation of the pain I felt, a connection born of loss. I’d never seen someone whose pain was so beautiful, unbound by my weaknesses. I was in awe, speechless in the presence of open wounds not hidden or used as a self induced prison . . . But harnessed as a driving factor to live, love, crawl, run, stumble and disappear into life.
Creative healing : to sing, to burn out, to go out in flames. Use the experiences as transformational road points which people were intoxicatingly drawn too. The ability to verbalize base emotions which otherwise weren’t able to be expressed fittingly to heal the secrets others kept. Pain could be used to avoid being alone, I had learned and seen to much. Only after pure destruction are we free to rebuild. Reinvention of the inept to the raw embodiment of universal base emotions of strength, pain, absence, fear and happiness into a neat little package, sold with VAT to every unknowing consumer.

Peace, love and empathy. vinyl splinters.

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

this paint by number’s life is fucking with my head once again. . .

I didn’t realize your passion for life was fear, fear driven attempts to cling to normality and acceptance.
As if idling for but a moment would be catastrophic, they can’t see through you when your not in slow motion.
The fight for childhood limitlessness : a self imposed prison of doubt and betrayal.

Tragic how something so pure has transformed into asinine comments,
Clung to with such reverence. A lasting stand at a connection so powerful, yet abandoned by the weakness of two.
Two who have suffered enough, yet are too arrogant to admit what is to be gained.
The wound, an emotional trophy…scar tissue. The lasting imprint that another temporarily called you home.

Peace, love and empathy. vinyl splinters.

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Anne Rice’s vampires .

“That is to say blood is not simply a metaphor for other bodily fluids such as semen, but it is simultaneously blood, semen and milk as is seen [through] the use of blood for food, procreation, nursing, platonic bonding and sex.”

–          Sally Miller, (2003: 64)

“Then it is as I always feared,” Louis’ words are prolific in exploring the allure of Anne Rice’s vampire with a human soul. Interview with a Vampire, the first instalment in Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles is centred on the life of an 18th century French noblemen Louis with the foreground of New Orleans, bathed in mysticism and taboo, as the site of his birth into darkness. Interview with a Vampire, 1970’s, is viewed as the origin of the contemporary vampire and thus underpinning its significance in the analysis of Louis, both a manipulated hybrid of ‘old’ and ‘contemporary’ vampire clichés encapsulated into a transgressive symbolic representation of desire while feminized, highly eroticized and a profoundly tortured character in vampire mythos.

Previous vampire mythos, “old” vampire clichés, incorporated very bestial aspects into the corporeal form, encapsulating perhaps more profoundly the deviant taboo of the overwhelmingly powerful yet terrifying: the very heart of vampire eroticism (playfully acknowledged through the clip of “Nosferatu” played during Louis return to New Orleans). Vampires were associated with imagery of infection and disease, the bite of which transmitted the infection resulting in transformation. Usually aristocratic in nature already an inherently removed basis on which the prior vampire mythos expanded upon deepening the imagery of isolation through locating the monstrous creatures in castles or the country side. Associated with comically amusing aversions to garlic, light, crucifix’s and holy paraphernalia the vampire’s un-human nature is underscored by the ability to shape shift into the highly stereotypical bat form. The contemporary vampire, illustrated through Interview with a Vampire primarily for the sake of contextual analysis, progresses to an almost human form free of the bestial adaptations found in earlier texts, neither man nor beast but a beautiful absence between the two: the basis of desire. Although more inclined to the dark, as it is an appealing aesthetic conveying the much needed psychological vampire angst, contemporary vampires are not constrained by the light unless they are newly born or in a weakened state. With the veil of a human appearance they are grossly exaggerated to the point in which they become beautiful, empty vessels that possess powers of the supernatural such as telepathy. The contemporary vampire bite alone is not sufficient for transformation, a formulaic process of both bite coded as a sexual encounter followed with the intimacy of sharing blood is required. The contemporary vampire has been manipulated to remove comical weaknesses mentioned and posited in the city, creating previously unexplored tensions.  Introduction of acute self-awareness and shift to narrative style conveying the existence of the vampire marks the primary departure from ‘old’ vampire mythos and development of the erotic symbol. Louis becomes a contemporary hybrid of both  the ‘old’ and ‘contemporary’ facilitating the transition to the near-human vampire symbol,  he is both beautiful, self-aware, telepathic angst and an aristocratic and perhaps more disturbingly he is located in the bustling city of New Orleans unbeknownst to its inhabitants.

An interesting aspect of the contemporary vampire mythos is the impetus the narrative style places on the feeding habits of the vampire offering insights into the vampire angst. A recurrent theme of guilt, conscious objection and a domestication of the beast with in and a refusal to give into the blood lust emerges. Fixation on feeding and the lack thereof illustrated through Louis diet of poodles and rats and inability to bite, is coded as sexual impotence and dysfunction.  The biggest risk to Anne Rice’s vampires’ is through the act of feeding, so intimate in its nature that intimacy is coded as weakness (Miller, 2003: 62). During exsanguination the inability to restrain results in consummation by death itself, allowing for very clinical almost mechanically contrived portrayals of the vampire bite. Through Louis’ attempts to fill the absence created by the loss of his wife and child, his perpetuation of self-destructive behaviour the gambling and drinking led to his encounter with the greatest expression of absence and lack, the vampire Lestat. Through the biting process the vampire Lestat, feminized the character of Louis and introduced strong homoerotic undertones translated in frustrated interactions between the characters. The vampire is emblematically a phallic expression with the ability to feminize, a very subversive concept and critique on twentieth century culture our fixation on the taboo, thus Louis fulfils the role of the archetypal female: passive, submissive and unimaginably beautiful. Facilitating the creation of the family archetype to be discussed in which Louis becomes the maternal figure. Rather fascinating is the coding of Louis sexual dysfunction, his contrived fixation on the absence of feeding expresses the salient point that the attribution of the female somehow weakens the symbolic power and eroticism inherent to the vampire. As such the so called post-feminist society is criticized in that women are viewed as unable to possess the symbolically male power and dominance while simultaneously being unable to enjoy sexual encounters unless accompanied by a male, portrayed through Lestat. Stark contrast between the emotional, soft beautiful Louis and his companion Lestat a blood thirsty aggressive vampire with an insatiable appetite for destruction are inserted to facilitate the extreme gendered roles of Anne Rice’s vampires.

Blood is not just a physical necessity it is a transfer of the psychological and emotional, the experience of the fragility and frailty of human life has profound psychological and emotional effects on Louis; so much so that his conscience, arrogantly, refuses to engage in the bite, perpetuating a frustration with the oral fixation shared with his daughter in darkness, Claudia. The conception of Claudia is interesting in itself, the formulaic process of requiring both the contribution of Lestat and Louis further entrenches the archetype family in which gendered roles are further explored. Although both contributed a  greater importance is placed on the contribution made by Lestat, the primary male, hinting that somehow the nature of being male owes to the fact that his contribution is of more importance. “Your mine and Louis’ daughter now,” was a disturbingly manipulated line which conveys once again the appeal to the feminized Louis on an emotional basis and implicit maternal instincts. Quite lovely in that the subtle nuanced relationship between Lestat and Louis is strangely possessive yet never acknowledged physically post bite.

The ritualization of feeding to ease the pain or absence of existence is the ultimate symbolic representation of the vampire. Louis’ restraint and diet of animals is a further means in which he is actively feminized to the point of passivity. The self-destructive/ contrived feeding fixation is not a new concept to the progression of Louis, his prior of choice was that of vice drinking and prostitution so clearly prior to feminization he possessed no sexual dysfunction. A new concept tied into the conception of emblematic females. Claudia shares the destructive oral fixation of Louis, her maternal connection. Irony beautifully punctuates the frustration shared between Louis and Claudia. The site of the oral is synonymous with childhood, growth and development and feeding; Forever a reminder of Claudia’s ineptitude and feelings of entrapment. Trapped forever in the form of a child, an eternal prison and instigator of her pain ironically the site of the oral is used as her instrument of revenge. Yet she punishes Lestat for his contribution [scene  with Lestat’s first murder through the intake of dead blood orchestrated by Claudia] while favouring Louis, implicitly acknowledging the greater importance of the male contribution to her creation, it’s fascinatingly beautiful.  Claudia’s oral fixation is ritualized to quell psychological angst and oppression that she will never grow to be an erotic being capable of enjoying the sexual attention of males. Quite a transgressive desire already introduced with the creation of a child vampire that is fiercely competent at seduction and the bite/sexual encounter with all the grace of one so innocent.  The interaction of the vampire with sustenance is paramount to expression of the modern day vampire mythos as a means to explore the relatively new psychological narration.

An extreme dichotomy is experienced between that of physical satisfaction, the insatiable thirst and psychological pain. Vampires are extremely powerful, beautifully intoxicating idealized forms symbolically free and immortal but simultaneously acutely self-aware and emotionally damaged. The contemporary vampire symbol has been manipulated to represent all that we secretly wish to be: unencumbered dominant, titillating while simultaneously representing our darkest fears of solitude, isolation and abandonment. Somehow providing validation to darkest fears that only through a lack of can relentless pleasure be found; punctuating the salient point that nothing can be gained without sacrifice, Louis’ immortality at the cost of sexual impotency as a minor illustration. They facilitates the externalization of innate human desires to be free from earthly whims and constraints on behaviour, heightened senses convey further exploration of infinite erotic fantasies, introduction of homoeroticism. Providing an culturally acceptable medium through which to vicariously live fantasies of sadomasochism, submission and power with freedom from judgement.

The insertion of the beautiful into the corporeal being through the use of Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise presupposes Anne Rice’s vampires are created solely as erotic beings, a burden to which they are enslaved. Beauty is seen as a curse facilitating the mesmerizing appeal of the unknown and temptations to feed or the erotic. Contemporary vampires seem to be destined to be beautiful, cold, empty vessels illustrated through elaborate detail with which the vampires are associated with metallic shiny objects of decadence e.g. chandeliers, goblets, fine China, jewellery and doorknobs.

The corporeal existence of Louis is fixed, unable to change into clichéd vampire stereotype of a bat. Inability thereof is a further reminder of his entrapment, adding to the emotional angst, reminder that his beautiful form is neither dead nor living but in exists in the absence of both echoing the basis of desire. Set amongst the foreground of mysticism and ritualized taboo, culture of voodoo and slavery, inherent to the Creole culture of New Orleans the homoerotic undertones are elevated to an almost believable level. Louis’ “lingering respect for life” is criticized and fully feminized form emerges in the scene prior to the destruction of the plantation. In a one on one interaction with the slave girl who serves Louis dinner, it comes to light that Louis had not been to the slave quarters in quite some time; Further encoding the implicit assumption of sexual impotence and complete transformation into the feminized archetypal form: a passive aggressive, emotionally stunted female complete with repression of the sexual. Louis’ voyage of self-discovery to the old world is an attempt to find solace in the comfort of his kind, faced with the absence of his companion and creator, the vampire Lestat.

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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